Sunday, March 1, 2009

He's holding the key.

Definition: Wall: a rampart raised for defensive purposes

Walls. Walls are put up for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they are put up to keep something in.. sometimes, they are meant for keeping something out. Either way, walls keep you from growing or changing. They keep you from opening up and being a little bit vulnerable. Walls do nothing but stand in the way most of the time.

I've come to the realization in the past few years that I have major walls. I have walls built up towards people. These people vary.. some girls, some family, but mostly walls are up against the opposite sex. I build walls up because I have trust issues. A friend and I (We'll call this friend.. BB for BASEBALL BOY), were talking about trust the other night. I was telling him about a current situation I was going through, and how I have major trust issues. We talked about it for a while.. and I ended up thinking about it alot after the conversation was over.

Sometimes I wish I trusted more easily. Sometimes I wish I could just let people into my heart instead of being so skeptical all of the time. But.. other times, I am thankful for some of these walls. Walls guard things. They protect what is inside. Guarding my heart towards people, mostly guys, is very important to me. God has made it clear that I need to keep my heart safe from this world.. & I feel like I'm at the point where it needs to be locked up in a safe with God holding the key.

So.. I'm still sorting through my thoughts. I am praying to God that He will break down the walls that He doesn't want around my heart. I pray that He pulls down every little piece of the unneccessary wall so He can invade my heart where He needs to. I am praying for him to captivate me. I'm searching for His face. I'll let you know what it looks like.. just hang in there with me.

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