Friday, June 18, 2010

Regret.

Today, I watched a video. I heard one voice, and instantaneously- I went back. I went back to late nights sitting in a circle with the girls I called my bestfriends. Playing Truth or Dare. Telling secrets. Deciding who to marry. Picking out the colors of our bridemaid's dresses. Taking turns wearing the coveted "Purple Tube Top" during dress-up. Talking about the days where we would be able to get in the car and drive around together. We planned beach trips for when we were eighteen. We woke up bright and early Saturday morning, picked up the phone and dialed each other's number. We found out what skinny dipping was- and did it. We learned about life together. We shared millions of secrets. We never held anything back. If we were mad, we told each other. We argued. We took sides. We always found each other at the end of every day. We'd make fun of each other. We went to each other's churches for VBS every summer. We sang karaoke like we were pros. We knew every word to every Dixie Chicks song. We became more than friends.. we became sisters. Our bond as friends was above and beyond any other connection I have ever known with anyone else.

But, we grew up. We moved away. We found new friends, new schools, new hobbies. We weren't the little girls playing Barbie and watching Veggie Tales. We found makeup, boys and car keys. We made choices. Good and bad. We took steps in every direction.. away from each other. We didn't spend every Saturday morning planning our day out. We didn't have any more picnics. There weren't any more silly games of Jenga or Girl Talk. The Clue board was put in the closet. The dress up clothes were tucked away in the trunk. Our "reunions" became few and far between. But.. even without seeing each other, it was still there. We still loved each other and Would do anything for our sisters. But we weren't together.

Regret. Regret comes in many shapes and sizes. You can regret not studying for the test. You can regret not buying a shirt. You can regret not telling the truth. I've always heard that one is to always live with no regrets. Unfortunately, that isn't me anymore.

Everyday, I wake up, look at the sunshine and think of a friend who has lived there for six months now. Her face dances through my mind. I can hear her talking. Memories race through my mind. I feel traces of regret as the memories pass by.. I get a knot in my stomach. As soon as the memories of our childhood leave my mind, the sharp pain of no memories races for years and years stabs me in the heart. I am overwhelmed. Tears well up in my eyes when I think of all of the years I missed spending with my sisters. My girls. We missed out on proms, boyfriends, first kisses, and highschool. I don't wish this regret on any of you. It took the death of a beautiful angel to bring me back to my first bestfriends- who are now my soul sisters. My soulmates. I'm sure of it.

Take the time. Call an old friend. Make amends with someone. Grab lunch with someone even when you think it may feel awkward. Find them on Facebook. Make the effort. Looking up at the sunshine today.. I wish I would have. I really, really wish that.

1 comment:

Pearls, Curls, and A Southern Girl said...

Wow, amazing and moving post. It reminds me of my group of girls...Thanks for this!