I should probably catch you up..

Sometimes, God leaves me breathless.

Actually, it happens frequently.

It was a sticky summer afternoon in August. I'd been dreading this day ever since acceptance letters arrived in the mail. As I made the drive to the familiar neighborhood, tears rolled down my face. I wasn't ready. I wasn't prepared. Without knocking, I barged into the comforting foyer. The room was filled to the brim with excitement while nervousness lingered in the air. My bestfriend greeted me with a warm hug before I took a seat beside her. The minutes seemed to drag by as she expressed her excitement for what the next four years would bring her. Minutes turned into an hour, and I had to go. I stepped out onto the brick steps and hugged her goodbye. Things were going to be different now. Things changed.

In August, I was left behind in my town to attend a local university while all of my other girlfriends ventured off into the cramped dorms of Clemson, the beautiful campus of Wake Forest and the busy hallways of USC. I prayed endlessly about where God wanted me, and I always got the same answer. Stay here. I'm not through with you yet. Don't go yet.

This was the hardest pill I've had to swallow. My heart yearned to pack my bags and leave with my friends. God had other plans.

At first, I felt alone. I relied on my mother and texts and calls from my friends that were hours away. My calender that once had lunch dates and shopping trips penciled in was nothing but blank page after blank page.

But, God never leaves His daughter. Ever. Slowly, He began bringing Godly girls into my life. I was asked to lead help lead a Bible study for Junior High Girls who, without a doubt, are each blessings to me. I was asked to join a Bible study with a group of beautiful sisters in Christ who stepped into my life and started loving on me and encouraging me right away. He brought an old friend back into my life in a very real and amazing way. He brought a friend back home and He's working in huge ways in our friendship. (Bee, if you read this, you are strong, beautiful and your relationship with our Father encourages me. Daily) And, currently, He is in the process of renewing my heart and bringing me peace.

He has joined me in quiet, whispered prayers on the phone. He has been there in a room full of twenty loud and crazy seventh and eighth grade girls. He has been there in my long drives out to campus when all I could do was cry. He has been there in the study rooms. He has been there in my lecture halls. He has been there in the mornings where I wanted to just sleep all day. He has been there in the teary phonecalls from Clemson. He has BEEN THERE. And He still is here. I don't doubt that one bit.

Breathless.

I wasn't joking. Sometimes, I find myself crawling into His arms at the end of the day utterly speechless. Right when I think He's forgotten me, He reveals Himself. Through my loneliness, He's showing His power. And his power is the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on.

Wherever you find yourself.

As you are laying down after a long day of work, scrolling through a Blogroll on your Blackberry during your child's soccer practice or simply glancing over your Google reader instead of studying, I want to meet you with some truth.

I've never had a conversation with most of you who are reading this. Some of you are in college striving towards your dreams while some of you are working at a nine to five desk job. While a few of you will rest your head somewhere in South Carolina tonight, there are some who will work a nightshift on a brightly lit hospital floor in Kentucky, mop the hallways of a empty school in New York or run a few laps around your neighborhood in California.

Maybe I don't know you at all. Maybe I've never given you a hug or shaken your hand, but that isn't a big deal to me. I don't know your circumstances. I don't know your struggles. I don't know any of your secrets and I don't know your past. I don't know what you did today or what you've thought about doing tonight. I do know that there is something that every person needs to hear. It's the most beautiful, sweet, shocking, offensive, loud, crazy, insane, lovely, peaceful, comforting news I've ever been told. Wait. Before you exit out of this window, I want you to read this. I want you to take refuge in these words. Don't walk away from your laptop, put your phone down or turn on the T.V without letting these words grab at your heart. They will if you let them. Actually, HE will. If you let Him.

Psalm 139
A David Psalm
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!

23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.




.....truth

A list.

I have a list. I want to share it with you.

Before I turn 100, I want to live in another country for at least a year doing nothing but serving the Lord with all that I have. I don't care if it's on the other side of the globe or right on the border of America- I just want to pour out the Word on another place that needs it desperately. I want to stop my life, give up my comfort and give every piece of me for an entire year to further the gospel in another place.

Before I turn 90, I want to have a house in the country with a tin roof and a big wrap-around porch. I want to be able to sit in a rocking chair in a sundress with a breeze blowing in my hair and the sun shining on my face. I want to sit and laugh for hours and hours without any worries or problems that need to be addressed. I just want to relax and be.

Before I turn 80, I want to drive across the country in a big RV with someone I love. I want to stop at every single cheesy attraction and meet farmers, executives, actors, models, dancers, singers.. just real people. I want to hear their stories.

Before I turn 70, I want to open my own boutique. I want to have a cute little house tucked away on a road somewhere in South Carolina. I want it to be full of pink, green and pretty things. I want to make people smile by finding them a perfect dress or pretty top. I just do.

Before I turn 60, I want to be able to drop everything for a month and just go to the beach. I don't need fancy restaurants or shopping sprees in departments stores and boutiques- just a beach chair, a book and a breeze.

Before I turn 50, I want to meet someone who completes me. And that's that.

Before I turn 40, I want to take a trip to the Holy Land. I want to sit, eat, pray, laugh and walk on the ground Christ lived on. I want to see the places he saw. Feel the breeze he felt.

Before I turn 30, I want to take an extended trip to Paris. I want to sit in a little Cafe for hours on end just soaking up the culture around me. I want to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower and look over a town of romance, mystery and excitement. I want to go to little boutiques and walk through the streets of a town rich in fashion and history. I want to walk the streets that Coco Chanel danced down in her creations.

Before I turn twenty, I want to make a huge difference for the Lord. I want to take His name and run with it. I want to see His smile on the faces of people around me and feel his warmth in the hugs of those I see everyday. I want to see changed hearts, lives and standards. I want to see Him in a whole new way.

And.. before I turn 19, I want to grow. I want to take the Word and soak it in- only for it to be poured back out. I want to laugh, cry, sing, dance and feel. A lot.

I really, really hope you have a list.

This one's for the girls..

First day of seventh grade. I walk in with a nervous smile, khaki shorts, Sperry Topsiders and a Ralph Lauren polo. I stayed up hours the night before packing all of my pink and green binders, pink pencils and hair accessories into my new, pink, LL Bean bookbag. I opened the door and walked towards a group of girls that were just as nervous as I was. For some reason, we all clicked.

Then, just like that, I blinked.

Six years had gone by. I walked into our Civic Center in a oversized and baggy green gown and a cap that was bound to be a hair-ruiner. I opened the door and walked to the same group of girls that I'd walked to the first day of middle school. We all started giggling, jumping up and down and hugging. Thankfully, some things never change.

This is our last week of summer, which means this is our last week together. Things change now. So, girls, here is a letter to you. Hopefully I can write this without sobbing too terribly hard. I mean every little word of it. Well, here it goes..

Dear Sisters (We're not just "friends" anymore),

Well, here we are. After this week, we grow up a little and go beyond the doors of West Florence Highschool. Some of us are heading to Clemson or Carolina with big dreams of sororities, football games and new beginnings. Some are heading even farther, chasing our dreams down as hard as we can. Yes, we will get to see each other on holidays and other occasions here and there- but there aren't going to be anymore weekly breakfast dates to WaHo or spur of the moment movie nights. We won't spend hours baking cookies and watching movies in our pajamas. We won't get to pass each other in the hall and stop to give a quick hug and an "I love you, girl". Things are going to be different.

But even though miles will separate us, I won't feel distant from you. You girls have been my comforters, my rocks, my partners in crime, my sisters, my BESTfriends and my confidants. We've shared secrets, makeup, beds, clothes, heartaches, victories, memories, tears and many laughs over the course of six years. We've spent hours and hours planning the perfect sleepovers, girl's nights and dinner dates. We have sat around and spilled out our guts to each other at the earliest hours of the morning. We called each other after our first kisses, our first boyfriends and our first real butterflies. We've bundled up for football games, met at Starbucks for afternoons together and thousands of dance parties wherever we went together. Our friendships have surpassed the typical highschool relationships. We each hold a bond with each other that is not easily broken. Yes, we've disagreed- but hardly. We've cried with each other when boys broke our hearts and danced with each other when our dream college sent us an acceptance letter.

We've taken pictures together for all of our Tri-Hi-Y dances and proms. We have been in constant contact with each other for six years- knowing that we are each only a text, phonecall or short drive away. We're able to be honest with each other when it matters, but always encouraging and loving above all else. We've prayed together, lived together, sang together and hurt together.

I praise the Lord when I think of you girls. You have impacted my heart and life in ways you couldn't imagine or fathom. I count each of you as my sisters, future bridesmaids and bestfriends. Although we won't be a short drive away from each other next year, I won't ever be able to replace you girls in my life. You each are special to me in totally different ways. Some of you are leaders who I look to for guidance. Some of you are always there to listen over a cup of coffee. Some of you are the ones who I run to when I need to be cradled in someone's arms. Some of you dance, some of you sing. Some of you are loud, some of you are quiet. But each of you have one thing in common: you are each amazing, beautiful, talented daughters of Christ. Thank you for being the girls God has called and commanded you to be. I'm forever changed because of how you chose to love and laugh with me.

Hugs, kisses & dances parties,
Lauren.

End of Seventh Grade

End of Senior Year.

Excited.

I'm excited.

If you've ever met me, you'd know that I am a typically very excited girl. I get excited about just about anything. Sometimes I get to the point where I want to jump around, dance a happy dance and scream to the top of my lungs. Excitement just has a way of doing that to me. Sometimes I get so excited that I have tears in my eyes. Sometimes I babble on and on about what I am excited about. I can't help it. Sometimes I find myself searching for words and having no luck. Maybe that is what's going on in this very moment in my life. I'm a crazy big mess of happiness and joy. Yes, both.

I am quickly approaching my freshman year of college. I am spending minutes, hours and days with the people I care about the most. I am growing in relationships that I never saw coming. I am seeing my grandfather, a strong man of God, turn eighty years old and still chasing after His will. I am experiencing the feeling of true thankfulness. But, that isn't what I'm truly excited about.

I am finding true joy in the fact that I am finally following Christ with everything I am. I am surrendering (scary). I am being obedient (even scarier!). I am spending ample time in prayer with my Creator. I am praying about taking a major step out of my comfort zone next summer. I am diving in to the Word, and for the first time, clinging to it's unmatchable strength and truth. I am finding God at work in my town. In my youthgroup. In my church. I am seeing the light of Christ beaming out of children, middle school friends and my bestfriends. I am sometimes dancing around, sometimes screaming at the top of my lungs and sometimes finding a tear in my eye.

This is joy. This is it. It's like Christmas morning- every moment. Yes, there is pain. There is sorrow. There is death. But there is also a King. A savior. A comforter.

And, if you ask me.. how could you NOT get excited about what He is doing?!

This is Kenya.

Every once in a while, I like to introduce all of you to someone that I consider a friend.
Tonight, I'd like you to meet one of my newest friends.

Her name is Kenya Asanti Wilson.

As I stepped off of the bus on the first day of Missions Camp in Virginia, her face was the first that I saw. Her smile radiated and captured my heart before she could say a single word. She was anxious to learn my name and before I knew it, she was running off- telling everyone her name and awaiting hugs and friendly smiles.

For that first day, she ran from hug to hug- soaking in every bit of love that she could.

On the second day however, she was the first person I had on my back. She jumped into my arms and was content staying there through recreation, music, crafts and bible study. We both decided that we were the perfect "bestfriends". We ran around giggling, screaming and being silly together. Every moment was more fun than the next- but God was not content with Kenya and I talking about just Silly Bandz, Justin Bieber and our love for pink. He was throwing words into my mind and before I knew it, words about His son were spilling out of my mouth.

I asked Kenya if she'd ever heard of Jesus. She shook her head and said, "No Miss Lauren! Is that your friend?". Before I knew it, the two of us were sitting down in the grass talking about the beauty that is my Savior. Our conversation lasted only a few minutes, but I felt comfort in the fact that one more person knew who Christ was and is.

Before I could blink, the day was over and we were heading back on to the bus. As I sat back into my seat, I was already full of anticipation for the next day.

Day three. The last day. This is my third summer serving children in a Bible Club setting. I dreaded this last day. It was my last chance. Most likely, unless God intervenes, this would be my last time seeing these children and holding them in my arms. I looked out the window of the bus as all of the children started running towards us. They were waiting for us. I walked off of the bus and saw Kenya. She smiled her big smile and jumped into my arms. She stayed there for the entire day. As we ran around, we talked about how we were bestfriends, sisters and buddies. As we were running down a hill giggling, she stopped me and asked me "Lauren. Where does Jesus live? Is He here?" I explained Heaven to her. She looked at me with excitement in her eyes and said, "LAUREN! My DADDY lives there too!". We stood on the hill and talked about Jesus, Heaven and how she'll get to go there if she believes in Him.

It came time to take her home, and she told me that I was invited to spend the night and to live in her room if I wanted. She told me there was a perfect spot in her room for me. She begged me to stay and play. But, I told her that even though I had to go, I'd see her again. A part of me just knew it. I knew that I'd get to give her another piggy-back ride one day. I knew I'd get to giggle with her again. I knew I'd get to hear her little raspy voice say "Oh LAUREN." I might not get to be silly with her in this life, but a part of me knows I'll see her again.

So, here she is. Kenya. My sweet, sweet girl.
Would you say a prayer for her precious little heart?

"It never hurt one's eyesight to look on the brightside of things"

Complaining is the easy way out.

Now, don't get me wrong. I've chosen to take the easy way out many, many times. I would refuse to see the brightside, even if it was shining right in front of my face. I would dance around the obvious and dwell in the darkness. But, let's be honest- the brightside takes more effort to find, and more courage to look towards.

A few days ago, I realized that the brightside is more worth my while. And your's.

A friend of mine has been diagnosed with cancer. She's undergoing treatment and blogging her way through it. I ask you to pray for her through her journey she's just beginning. She is beautiful and so, so strong. When I ask her, "How are you doing?" she replies, "I'm doing good!"

...And there's the brightside. She's found her's. While we're busy wallowing in our shortcomings and disappointments, the happy side of things is just a glance away. Which direction are you going to look?

Ode to the Good Girls

So, a long time ago, I read something called "The Ode to the Nice Girls".
Needness to say, I related. In a major way.



I won't be putting the "Ode to the Nice Girls" on here, but I'd like to write my own "Ode". My ode will be to the girls that I've chosen as my friends. One might say that you should choose friends by what you see in yourself. I don't drink- neither does my bestfriend. I've chosen to remain pure- my bestfriend chose the same. I choose to dress modestly, as does my bestfriend.

So, without further adieu, here is my ode. My ode to the good girls.

This is a big thank you to the good girls- the truly genuine good girls. When it would be easier to put on a tiny tank top and short-shorts, you put on a Lilly dress and cardigan. This is for all of us girls that know we could dress like a slut and have a boyfriend- but we don't. This is for every girl that knows the best guys aren't the ones seated three stools down at the bar- they are sitting at home watching a baseball game on ESPN with their daddy. Thank you to those who would rather go to church and get in the Word than to go out to a party and lose control. To the girl who has never had a boyfriend because she's a "Goody Two Shoes", thank you for not lowering your standards. For the group of girls that spend a Spring Break watching movies and playing Apples to Apples, you should be applauded. While their was a raging party two doors down, you stood your ground, grabbed the icecream and stuck together. For all of the girls that spend their Friday nights babysitting and playing a round of Monopoly with your little brother, you deserve applause. For each and every woman who doesn't even consider compromise, I appreciate you. Thank you to all of the girls who are content watching the Bachelorette in your pajamas instead of going to find a party. To all of the girls that have volunteered at the soup kitchen, painted houses on Mission trips and humbled themselves to admit wrongness, you are the ones I look up to. For the many nights you've sat at home with your family with no plans, taken the blame for your girlfriend's fault or taken her keys when she had a little too much, you made a difference. You aren't the girls that will walk by a construction site and be called every name in the book. You wouldn't be caught dead at a smokey bar. You choose a night out with your girls over a date with a jerk. You realize that boys come and go- but friends are everlasting. You invest in your friendships and don't let them fail without a fight. You laugh when things go wrong, and laugh when they go right. When everyone is being swayed, you hold fast to what you know. You know some things are sacred and meant to be kept to yourself. You don't tell secrets. Your word is never broken. You take failure as well as success in stride. You still hug your momma and kiss your daddy goodnight.

While we're hard to find, we exist. We won't be the girls at the party with the boys surrounding us. We most likely won't even BE at the parties. Our feelings may be hurt a little when we're not invited to the house party on Friday night- but we're almost flattered. Good girls deserve an ode, too. We're a step above "Nice" girls. We will always be around.. but we're a little harder to find. Why? It's hard to see something when you have all of the wrong girls blocking your view. When you're at the party staring down the girl in the tight shirt and mini skirt, you most likely won't be staring at us. So, here's to you, good girl. Take every "You are such a goody goody" and "Oh, SHE doesn't drink, don't invite her"- in stride. Stand up. Hold your own. Believe it or not, there is a good boy to match up to every single one of us.

Regret.

Today, I watched a video. I heard one voice, and instantaneously- I went back. I went back to late nights sitting in a circle with the girls I called my bestfriends. Playing Truth or Dare. Telling secrets. Deciding who to marry. Picking out the colors of our bridemaid's dresses. Taking turns wearing the coveted "Purple Tube Top" during dress-up. Talking about the days where we would be able to get in the car and drive around together. We planned beach trips for when we were eighteen. We woke up bright and early Saturday morning, picked up the phone and dialed each other's number. We found out what skinny dipping was- and did it. We learned about life together. We shared millions of secrets. We never held anything back. If we were mad, we told each other. We argued. We took sides. We always found each other at the end of every day. We'd make fun of each other. We went to each other's churches for VBS every summer. We sang karaoke like we were pros. We knew every word to every Dixie Chicks song. We became more than friends.. we became sisters. Our bond as friends was above and beyond any other connection I have ever known with anyone else.

But, we grew up. We moved away. We found new friends, new schools, new hobbies. We weren't the little girls playing Barbie and watching Veggie Tales. We found makeup, boys and car keys. We made choices. Good and bad. We took steps in every direction.. away from each other. We didn't spend every Saturday morning planning our day out. We didn't have any more picnics. There weren't any more silly games of Jenga or Girl Talk. The Clue board was put in the closet. The dress up clothes were tucked away in the trunk. Our "reunions" became few and far between. But.. even without seeing each other, it was still there. We still loved each other and Would do anything for our sisters. But we weren't together.

Regret. Regret comes in many shapes and sizes. You can regret not studying for the test. You can regret not buying a shirt. You can regret not telling the truth. I've always heard that one is to always live with no regrets. Unfortunately, that isn't me anymore.

Everyday, I wake up, look at the sunshine and think of a friend who has lived there for six months now. Her face dances through my mind. I can hear her talking. Memories race through my mind. I feel traces of regret as the memories pass by.. I get a knot in my stomach. As soon as the memories of our childhood leave my mind, the sharp pain of no memories races for years and years stabs me in the heart. I am overwhelmed. Tears well up in my eyes when I think of all of the years I missed spending with my sisters. My girls. We missed out on proms, boyfriends, first kisses, and highschool. I don't wish this regret on any of you. It took the death of a beautiful angel to bring me back to my first bestfriends- who are now my soul sisters. My soulmates. I'm sure of it.

Take the time. Call an old friend. Make amends with someone. Grab lunch with someone even when you think it may feel awkward. Find them on Facebook. Make the effort. Looking up at the sunshine today.. I wish I would have. I really, really wish that.

Happy girls are the prettiest girls..

Sometimes, even the happiest girls get a little down in the dumps. We can be soaring high one minute- enjoying the sunshine of the day and dancing around basking in it's warmth.. but then, boom. You hear something, see something or feel something that brings you down a few notches. Suddenly, you are still the happy girl.. but your smile is fading just a little.

While some girls would sit and be content with their sad mood, some girls prefer to snap out of it. I have never been able to stay in a "bad mood" for long. Wanna know how I return back to smiling and giggling? Here are the key ways to smile again.. even brighter!

1) Get in touch with your best girlfriend. Spill your guts to her.. and then really listen to what she says. Don't go looking to be soothed, agreed with or "babied". Be open to her opinion and her advice. I mean, she knows you best, right?

2) Turn on a song that truly makes you want to dance. For me it's "Do You Believe in Magic" by the Lovin' Spoonful. Dance around until you have a smile on your face!

3) Go to your nearest Coldstone Creamery. Order a "Like it" (we don't want to overdo it, do we?) of your favorite treat. And.. don't feel bad about the calories! Just think.. the calories are free when they count towards your smile!

4) Two words: Retail Therapy. Don't act like you don't know this term! We all have those places we go that we can shop for hours. Where are my happy places? Target and TJ Maxx. Even when I know I won't buy a thing.. walking around looking at pretty things makes me feel better.

5) Get in the sunshine! There is no better feeling than soaking up a little (or a lot!) of sun. Put on that pretty bikini and grab a good book. What do I suggest? The Queen of Babble Series by Meg Cabot. Or the Confessions of a Shopaholic Series by Sophie Kinsella. Both are just precious.

6) And finally.. last but NOT least, spend some time with your Maker! Lay out your feelings in front of Him, and let Him be the first to catch every tear!


You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8



Keep your chin up, happy girl! Dance around.. giggle with your bestfriend.. get a little sunkissed! And remember, "Happy Girls are the Prettiest girls" It has to be true, AUDREY said it!

xoxoxo