Sometimes, God leaves me breathless.
Actually, it happens frequently.
It was a sticky summer afternoon in August. I'd been dreading this day ever since acceptance letters arrived in the mail. As I made the drive to the familiar neighborhood, tears rolled down my face. I wasn't ready. I wasn't prepared. Without knocking, I barged into the comforting foyer. The room was filled to the brim with excitement while nervousness lingered in the air. My bestfriend greeted me with a warm hug before I took a seat beside her. The minutes seemed to drag by as she expressed her excitement for what the next four years would bring her. Minutes turned into an hour, and I had to go. I stepped out onto the brick steps and hugged her goodbye. Things were going to be different now. Things changed.
In August, I was left behind in my town to attend a local university while all of my other girlfriends ventured off into the cramped dorms of Clemson, the beautiful campus of Wake Forest and the busy hallways of USC. I prayed endlessly about where God wanted me, and I always got the same answer. Stay here. I'm not through with you yet. Don't go yet.
This was the hardest pill I've had to swallow. My heart yearned to pack my bags and leave with my friends. God had other plans.
At first, I felt alone. I relied on my mother and texts and calls from my friends that were hours away. My calender that once had lunch dates and shopping trips penciled in was nothing but blank page after blank page.
But, God never leaves His daughter. Ever. Slowly, He began bringing Godly girls into my life. I was asked to lead help lead a Bible study for Junior High Girls who, without a doubt, are each blessings to me. I was asked to join a Bible study with a group of beautiful sisters in Christ who stepped into my life and started loving on me and encouraging me right away. He brought an old friend back into my life in a very real and amazing way. He brought a friend back home and He's working in huge ways in our friendship. (Bee, if you read this, you are strong, beautiful and your relationship with our Father encourages me. Daily) And, currently, He is in the process of renewing my heart and bringing me peace.
He has joined me in quiet, whispered prayers on the phone. He has been there in a room full of twenty loud and crazy seventh and eighth grade girls. He has been there in my long drives out to campus when all I could do was cry. He has been there in the study rooms. He has been there in my lecture halls. He has been there in the mornings where I wanted to just sleep all day. He has been there in the teary phonecalls from Clemson. He has BEEN THERE. And He still is here. I don't doubt that one bit.
I wasn't joking. Sometimes, I find myself crawling into His arms at the end of the day utterly speechless. Right when I think He's forgotten me, He reveals Himself. Through my loneliness, He's showing His power. And his power is the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on.